Part 2: Morning. Doug & the Slugs, Music from a Sick Man’s Bedroom

Song One, Morning (Doug Korg 01 Wfd)

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Today I listened to the first song Doug recorded on his recording Doug & The Slugs, Music from a Sick Man’s Bedroom. It is totally instrumental, a quiet melody in a minor key. Music written in minor keys often sound mournful and sad.  This one begins that way.

You can listen Morning it by clicking on the arrow below. Allow some time for the song to load.

Morning. Mornings were so hard towards the end of Doug’s illness, after the doctors had reported “there is nothing more we can do”. In the days and months that preceeded and followed his passing, I often would wake up with a jolt in the mornings, sometimes as early as 3am, remembering once again this new reality. That Doug’s cancer isn’t going away, that Doug is dying, or Doug has died. It was like hearing it for the first time and re-experiencing the shock and grief.  Stomach in knots.  Tears coursing down my cheeks. I would eventually realize I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I would slip quietly out of bed, and go to the living room with my Bible in hand.  Seated in my arm chair, I would turn to the Psalms, my lifeline during this ordeal, and read till God spoke to my need, bringing comfort and peace to my heavy and hurting heart.

Psalm 5:3 is circled in my Bible.  Actually, just the verse number “3” is circled.

In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.

Were mornings hard for Doug too as he was fighting cancer?  To wake up and remember once again, “O yeah, I have cancer.”  Did fear wash over him each morning?  Sadness?  Anxiety?  In the mornings did Doug seek God and find peace and strength to face the day? I think he did.  Because the music in Morning takes a turn.  The minor key turns to major, and the beat becomes livelier.  It seems almost hopeful as the music fades.

…for the Lord has heard my weeping. The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer. (Psalm 6:8b-9)

 Reflection

 My hope was restored each time I allowed God to comfort and speak to my concerns, particularly through reading the Psalms.  There were many ups and downs during Doug’s illness.  Times when he was doing well. And we rejoiced and were grateful. Times when he wasn’t.  And then I returned to my arm chair with my Bible, seeking God for help with the waves of anxiety and grief I experienced. I am reminded of the Rich Mullin’s song “My One Thing” which includes phrases from Psalm 73:24, “Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.”

What is troubling you today?  Are mornings the hardest?  Would you be willing to give God a chance to meet you where you are today? Listen to the song again. Then sit with God in the Psalms first thing in the morning, or during the night when you can’t sleep.  Read until something speaks to you. Meditate on it, which simply means think about it with God.  What is He saying to you?

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